Case File 022 - Life Lesson: Cultivation Period

Photo credit: Roland Samuel @rosam2020

“To meet is not  by chance, to be friends is never a coincidence, to end up as life partners is never easy nor by luck.”

A gay couple who have been together for the past 30 years were at a verge of ending their relationship, not because of any 3rd party intervention but just because they have come to a stage in their lives known as ‘Cultivation Period’.

Some couples choose a Cultivation Period before birth, during this phase of their lives they would take time off from their togetherness and live separately for a period of time to do personal spiritual cultivation in order to raise and stabilize their spiritual vibration frequencies, in order to come back together again to continue enjoying each others company on this physical realm.

Peter and Mike have known each other since teenage, and were best friends since. During their college graduation, Peter told Mike that he likes Mike very much; at that moment Mike held onto Peter’s hands and told him that he wants to be with him for the rest of his life. Peter smiled and nodded. That was in the late 80s.

Ever since Peter & Mike has been together ever since, until now both are in their mid-fifties, they are at the verge of calling off their relationship. Many common friends have counselled them and with no avail. One of Peter and Mike’s long time friend Carson thought that there might be something more than meets the eye. He approached me to see if there was anything I could do for the couple. I agreed.

Mike is a partner in a property law firm and Peter had retired from his full time medical practice a few years ago, and is now doing part time locum.

During my visit to the couple, I could sense that both have put in much effort in their 3-storey terrace house. The garden is well-landscaped and their home is well decorated and designed. They also have well-groomed 2 golden retrievers Looking at the façade of their lives, they seemed to be living in a loving and harmonious space, but the moment we stepped into their home, there was a sense of emptiness in the space. The feeling is as if there was ‘no one home’, cold and empty.

Through the counselling session, I found out that Mike has been very demanding of Peter’s work and his behaviour towards him. And Peter has been very accommodating towards Mike’s demands and has been giving in most of the time, and it was after a recent heated quarrel that Peter stormed out of their home.

I told Peter and Mike that I am going to dig further into the truth of their situation, and they both agreed to only tell the truth about their feelings. At a critical moment, Peter told us that during their secondary school days, when he first laid eyes on Mike, he told himself that Mike would be the person he is going to spend the rest of his life with. And he had never stopped loving him since.

Mike went on complaining about Peter’s lack of sensitivity towards their relationship, and his love, care and concern towards him are no longer there. Mike felt that Peter had changed throughout the years in their relationship.

At this moment, I stopped Mike and asked him, what did he expect Peter to do, Mike quickly answered that all he wanted for Peter to do was to be more attentive to him , with more concern & care towards him and the ‘kids’ (the golden retrievers).

I prodded him to elaborate on “more attentive and more concern”, and Mike answered that he wants Peter to be more responsible for the households, and making sure that their dogs are well taken care of.

I asked Mike who does the household chores and take  care of the dogs most of the time. which he  answered, “Peter, because he has more time than me”.  

“So Peter did do his part taking care of the household and the ‘kids’. What else is he still lacking?”, I asked.

Mike was stupefied , while I continued my question.

“So if Peter has done all the things you have asked, what has changed?”

Mike paused for a while and answered, “Actually, I am the one that has changed, my expectations have changed…”

The coldness and stillness in the couple’s home finally soften. Mike finally realized that his expectations for Peter kept growing more and more and until it went out of proportion.

“Like all of us, when our Ego expects and grow out of proportion, we find our lives gets tougher and more stressful as we are comparing with others and wanting more and more for ourselves, to a point that we just want to give up our jobs, our responsibilities, our relationships and sometimes even giving up our lives.”

“Only through realization that we are able to get out of our own demands and desires that were not ours to begin with.”

I told them, this is a time where both of them were going through a period known as ‘Cultivation Period’. During this period, the couple’s relationship is going through a renewal process of clearing out the old desires and demands

And that it is time for the couple to bring in Awareness into their lives, in order for them to go into the next phase of their relationship.

Status: Case Closed on 26th December 2016